Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
