I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
