if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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