She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
