There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
