I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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