i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
