party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
