But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
