I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
