i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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