wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
