Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
