I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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