the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
