They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
