oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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