And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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