How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ladies don't puke and tell
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
