Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
