He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
