Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
