Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
