i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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