wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
