Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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