i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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