Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
