I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
