i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
