Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
