I seem to have left my pride at pride
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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