I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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