I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
