Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
