i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
high people should be assigned attendants
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
