I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
