I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
