I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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