My hand turned me down
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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