Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
