Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
