Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize