he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
