woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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