You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
