ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Boobs are out for the taking
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
