You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
