i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
