Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
