I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
