i always forget guys have bellybuttons
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
