Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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