so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
